Tuesday 12 February 2013

Cats: Household Pets for Lonely Spinsters or Cold Blooded Bird Murderers

Cats Friend or Foe?
In a controversial move, Choughworld is launching a new campaign - against cats. The feline menace, while bringing solace to the lonely, is responsible for the decline in song birds in our gardens, and digs up flowerbeds to crap in them.

In addition to their genocidal tendencies towards small birds and mammals, which they are happy to bring into the house, they also carry parasites, such as fleas and worms.


We asked a spokeslady from the RSPCA to comment, but she was clearly an elderly spinster judging by her comments, which we won't dignify by publishing.  Had she not been clearly biassed she might have said something like this. 

"While we don't support the wholesale destruction of felines, a humane programme of neutering could render them extinct within a feline generation (12-14 years)".

Do YOU support Chouldworld's anti cat crusade?
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8 comments:

  1. scratching my head12 February 2013 at 18:09

    I would support it, but I love pussies, so I can't. I love stoking our pussies when they are purring in my lap.

    Plus I think your timescale maybe wrong. Our pets typically last twice as long as the norm, so you are possibly looking at a 26+ year timeframe - more chance of getting HS2 in Manchester?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown12 February 2013 at 18:21

      Hey don't correct me, correct Wikipedia...

      Delete
    2. Anonymous12 February 2013 at 18:32

      The average age of cats is probably correct, but pets in our household usually last twice as long, but that is just us - probably because we don't overfeed them.

      Delete
    3. Unknown12 February 2013 at 19:30

      The oldest cat ever lived to 38 years. It probably survived by eating its owner.

      Delete
  2. suwong12 February 2013 at 20:40

    The cat crept into the crypt, crapped, then crept out again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown12 February 2013 at 20:46

      'Catch It'
      'Yuk why did you ask me to catch that?'
      'I didn't, I warned you it was cat shit'.

      (c) Vic and Bob.

      Delete
  3. Embembooshkin13 February 2013 at 00:10

    I don't like the way they glare at you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown13 February 2013 at 15:53

      They're like reptiles, you think they're pets but they're just working out how to eat you.

      Delete

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