Using state of the art technology, we have created a map of all Chip Pan Fires reported in the past 2 years, and overlaid them onto a map of the UK.
The results are startling
Yorkshire leads the way. North, West, South and East Yorkshire together managed to set fire to a staggering 15 chip pans - 39% of the national total.
Compared to our 'always right even when aam wrong' neighbours, Greater Manchester scored a pathetic 4 fires.
Even adding in Lancashire, we didn't even scrape half of Yorkshire's score.
Here's those Scores in Full
|
County
|
Number of Fires
|
|
West Yorkshire
|
8
|
|
South Yorkshire
|
5
|
|
Greater Manchester
|
4
|
|
Staffordshire
|
4
|
|
Cambridgeshire
|
3
|
|
Lancashire
|
3
|
|
Cheshire
|
2
|
|
Hampshire
|
2
|
|
North Yorkshire
|
2
|
|
Nottinghamshire
|
2
|
|
Derbyshire
|
1
|
|
Devon
|
1
|
|
Hertfordshire
|
1
|
|
Kent
|
1
|
|
Merseyside
|
1
|
|
Northamptonshire
|
1
|
|
Surrey
|
1
|
|
Warwickshire
|
1
|
|
West Lothian
|
1
|
|
|
|
|
Total
|
44
|
We asked Labour Party leader Ed Milliband for a comment. "This just goes to show how much work needs to be done, to make this country One Nation again," he opined.
Out of touch Tory Leader 'Dave' Cameron added, "This just goes to show the importance of maintaining the Union, and preventing those Scotch from running off with all our oil. Only one fire in Scotland - are you sure those figures are right."
Yes Mr Cameron, they are right. Twitter never lies, unlike some people...
By eck, you ain't half going for it. With all this technology being thrown into the mix, I have to ask, are you after a job at the MEN?
ReplyDeletep.s. Unlike the MEN, you could provide the source for your statistics, to allow independent analysis and conclusions.
ReplyDeleteUnlike the MEN you could then allow meaningful debate without banning people who disagree with your findings/headlines.
Another reason to claim we are better than them?
I have provided the source for my statistics. As with all other stories it's Twitter.
DeleteSearch for Chip Pan Fire. Total them up by County, pop them into a spreadsheet and go to http://www.openheatmap.com to create the Heat Map.
It was a staffer at the MEN who told me how to do it, on the MEN message boards in the good old days.
I am concerned at the potential for a pan-galactic apocalypse.
ReplyDeleteLast night while the skies were clear and lit by the moon. I pointed out a cluster of stars and asked Mrs Incygnus what it was called. She said it's a constellation called The Plough.
I said "Are you blind woman? It's a giant chip pan!" Assuming it's several million miles across, if that went up in flames, we'd all be toast.
Or chips.
Tell Mrs Signus that it's also known as 'The Pan Handle'.
DeleteHowever it's about 24 million light years away, so as long as the Great Frier in The Sky makes sure he turns off the gas and doesn't move the pan or pour water on it, we should be ok.