Manchester's oldest man dies

Choughworld was saddened to learn that Manchester's self declared oldest man and custodian of truth has died today at the ripe old age of 139.



Percy Conker, or "Archie" to all his friends, died peacefully in his sleep at Oldham Library after his customary visit to read the papers and point out to gathered on-lookers the inconsistencies, factual errors and simple plain lies in the English tabloid media.

Archie was never quite sure of his exact date of birth, as he was abandoned as a baby and brought up by badgers. He recalled one of his earliest memories was the headlines of the papers reporting the shooting of Billy the Kid. He told our reporter in 1997, "I remember seeing the photo on the front page and the fella was neither a child, nor in anyway goat-like. It was then I resolved to strive for truth and honesty in the newspaper industry, and vowed never to rest until I achieved it."

He led a successful campaign in the 1920's to ban the use of a certain word in print after a High Court ruled it was excessivly vulgar. Even today we can't put it in this item. He was also instrumental in the removal of The Goodies off British TV, on the basis it was crap.

Archie found modern technology difficult to deal with most recently . He refused to use social media and like so many others, found himself isolated from the MEN community he used to love winding up. His one concession was a wheelbarrow, which he used to ferry unsold copies of the Diely Moan for their intended proper purpose to the outside privvies at Crompton Road football fields.

God bless you Archie