UK's Growing Problem with the EU

 

 

 

 

 

Following a in-depth investigation, an exclusive Choughworld expose' reveals the growing problem the UK has with the latest EU Commission Proposals.

Attending a late night session of the EU's  Common Agricultural Policy (CAP) Review Group No.1342785A into helping its citizens through the current financial crisis, we can now exclusively reveal the latest proposals that have been issued for review by member states.

Under the Groups latest proposals, all vegetables will need to conform to newly specified sizes. The chairperson of the Group issued a press statement after the Groups landmark meeting.

Herr P. Otato Peeler said "We understand that in these tight financial times our citizens are struggling with household finances. We are also concious that global warming and changing weather patterns have severely affected crop production in the EU, forcing up the price of vegetables and also reducing its quality. It is now a common problem that some of our basic foodstuffs, once peeled, turn out to be rotton or infected, resulting in the rejected product being sent to landfill.

To overcome this regular occurrence and to help our citizens reduce their weekly food bill, we have agreed to issue recommendations that will limit the size of certain root crops, specifically turnips, swede and potatoes.

From now on, potatoes will now only be allowed to be sold if they are no bigger than the European standard tomato; swedes must be no larger than the European standard tennis ball and turnips will have to conform to the European standard golf ball."

UK farmers reacted angrily to the latest proposals stating that this is a direct attack on the UK's farming industry, as other European countries already produce tiny vegetables. One farmer, Mr P.Lough fumed "What about our traditional potato variaties such as King Edwards, we have grown them for generations and are the perfect baking potato, what are we to grow now?"

The UK's leading anti-EU political party, except when they have MEP's elected and earning large sums of money, IPUK issued a statement this morning "We at IPUK are fuming, this is a direct attack on our Monarchy. How dare they try and get us to forget our historical origins by removing the reference to our beloved King Edwards from potatoes."

We will keep you updated on developments as they mature.

Note: No vegetables were hurt during this investigation and spoof news report