Witnesses reported an elderly woman was hurled to the floor and robbed of her shopping by a burly grey creature. At first it was feared it had been a "hoodie" crime, but that theory was discounted when the culprit made off over the grass, up a sycamore and away. A man gave chase but was forced to give up when he realised he was unable to scale the 30 foot Horse Chestnut where the offender was hiding.
71 year old Edith Poker was leaving Wilkinson's in Walkden when a furry tree dwelling rodent pounced.
"I had just popped in to buy a bag of peanuts for the blue tits in my garden. I was on my back to my friend's house when something attacked me. I was terrribly shocked".
Store staff treated Edith for a cut and scratched hand. They also gave her another bag of nuts.
Artist's impression of the offending rodent.
Rochdale-born funnyman Bill Oddie denied he was in any way to blame. When the MEV contacted him he denied that by advocating buying nuts for the birds he was putting pensioners at risk.
Bill Oddie
Readers are advised to treat all squirrels with caution, as although such attacks are rare, they are completely wild creatures. Inspector Barry Tard of GMP advises drivers not to stop if any squirrels run out in front of their cars. "We are concerned that drivers may become victims of car-jacking if they leave their vehicle to check on any squirrels they inadvertently hit. If they do have an accident, ring the police and we will send a patrol over to check the squirrel. Our officers have state of the art protective body armour and are trained in containing situations like these."
It was a cat! I almost saw it with my own eyes! They do this kind of stuff all the time and blame other animals for acts of violence that include peeing in the victim's eyes to confuse them. Have you ever noticed how a cat can aim its piss whilst facing the other way? Sorry to involve urine again but this story really is taking the piss.
ReplyDeletenb, this site is not shite.
If it was a cat, it was hypnotised by an evil goldfish that co-habit its owner's house. I tell you again, those bloody goldfish are evil sods -they sell guns, supply drugs and force people into slavery.
DeleteWe should be picketing all those pet shops that sell goldfish and any 'fairs' -although picketing 'fairs' may get us beaten up by their dogs or bitten by their owners.
Not to mention displacing out native carp from the nations fish ponds.
DeleteLeave the squirrels alone. How many squirrels have been convicted of nflicting cruelty to pensioners and banned from keeping them?
ReplyDeleteBarely a handful I'd say?
I agree, what was this 78 year old woman thinking of? She should have been on a mobility scooter when she made this journey and then could have run the squirrel over!
DeleteIndeed, had the scooter wheels been fitted with nails, she could have picked up litter along the way. Typical older generation mentality, me me me - hasn't she heard of the Keep Britain Tidy campaign.
I had no idea he was from Rochdale. I also had no idea he was a funnyman.
ReplyDeleteEmbem, neither did I (know he was from Rochdale) That little fat man with the round glasses who used to be in 'It ain't half hot mum' also lived in Rochdale along with that bloke whose used to say 'Rock on Tommy'. I'm crap at remembering names.
DeleteJust been out walking at Watergrove and it came to me, Tommy Ball.
DeleteYou thought about a shoe retail outlet from the 1980s?
DeleteDid you mean Bobby Ball? Him and Windsor Davies were a right scream in IAHHM.
I cannot put into words how much I used to hate going to Tommy Ball's shoe shop.
DeleteSo I won't. Rock on Bobby!