"A MAN was taken to hospital suffering a cut to his head after slipping on a kitchen floor due to grease caused by a chip pan fire."
"Crews from Atherton and Eccles fire stations were called to a semi-detached house in Laxey Avenue at 5.20pm on Thursday, March 14."
"The fire had burnt out when crews arrived and the occupier of the house - a man in his mid-60s - had removed the pan from the heat."
"It's understood that he had put the chip pan on then forgot about it while listening to music."
"There was no smoke alarm in the house and when the man realised there was a fire, he slipped on the kitchen floor due to grease caused by the fumes and fat from the chip pan."
"Firefighters gave oxygen therapy to the man and treated his wound with bandages before he was taken to hospital by ambulance. He was later discharged following treatment."
"Councillor David Acton, Chair of Greater Manchester Fire and Rescue Authority, said: "This is an unusual incident due to the nature of the man's injuries but it just goes to show how dangerous chip pan fires can be for a number of reasons."
"At Greater Manchester Fire and Rescue Service we are urging residents to ban the pan and swap their chip pans for safer alternatives such as deep fat fryers or oven chips."
"Cooking-related fires remain the most common cause of accidental fires in the home and our Prevention teams are working hard to reduce these types of incidents."
"You can help to reduce the risk of cooking fires in your home by following our advice."
"Remember that any type of pan can catch fire, including woks, grills and frying pans. Never fill a pan more than one-third full of oil and if the oil starts to smoke - turn off the heat and leave it to cool down."
http://www.manchesterfire.gov.uk/updates/incidents/15march2013_atherton_chip_pan-_fire.aspx?utm_source=dlvr.it&
Is that a challenge?
ReplyDeleteYes. I was quite pleased with my early story 'Pensioner Spoils Shoes in Dog Muck' but this one's far better.
DeleteI may be able to come up with something, however I will never match Private Eye's column Funny Olde World in quality, quantity or stupidity
DeleteThe Shropshire Star is quite good too.
DeleteI would try it but fear my head would explode. I already have a full reading list of 'local' papers including such exciting examples as The Clitheroe Advertiser
DeleteThe real question which the article or GMFS failed to disclose is what music the man was listening to. Just what could have caused him to slip out of reality into another time dimension? This could be a healthier alternative in clubs where the yoof of today are resorting to narcotic chemical substances to escape Cameroon's tribute act to Thatcher's Britain.
ReplyDeleteGiven his age, a number of music genres could be eliminated
DeleteIt appears to me that 95% of all fires start in the ground floor of houses. I suggest that to reduce the risk of fires, all new buildings should not have a ground floor.
ReplyDeleteBut most chippies are on the ground floor - are you planning to ban them too?
DeleteNo, just relocate them to the first floor.
DeleteOr maybe, and more sinisterly out anonymous correspondent is suggesting a move to the continental system of naming the ground floor the 1st floor. While this may well reduce the incidence of chip pan fires (I don’t know, I doubt even the mighty Wikipedia could answer that, so I didn’t bother looking) it brings a far more serious peril MAYONAISE ON CHIPS, and while our continental cousins may feel this is fine I am sure any true Englishman would happily risk a fiery death caused by a drunken chip pan accident than this affront to the Great British Chip.
DeleteI can assure you my suggestion is to totally remove ground floors and build houses on stilts, which should remove the cause of majority of house fires as well as reducing the risk of flooding due to rising river and sea levels.
DeleteI would not dare to suggest moving to the continental use of mayonnaise on chips - even I am not that evil.
I love mayonnaise on chips...
DeleteYes but you are weird
DeleteWeird like most of Belgium?
DeleteYep
DeleteChough have you descended to trolling yourself?
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of trolls, the trolls are out on the Men shitsite regarding the man beaten up on metrolink, but that is nothimg compared to their FB site.
ReplyDeleteAteast on the website the moderators have removed some offensive comments, on FB it is wholesale carnage
In other news cats = saviours
ReplyDeletehttp://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-21821658
See ground floor again !!!
DeleteThis cat story is all very suspious. Hero cats rescue their owners rather than wait for them to die and eat them? Somewhat out of character.
DeleteThe cats found the fire but the fire alarms didn't? In cases of arson, the first suspect is often the person who raised the alarm, or so I imagine.
Once again, in the background are the goldfish laughing at us from their fire protected environment
DeleteThat scene in 'Lady and the Tramp' where two Siamese cats bravely protect their owner from a goldfish while singing a song must be very emotional for you.
DeleteI do not remember that scene but I have not watched that film for many years. Also, as I have only recently developed my theory and become obsessed with gpldfish, it may require me to revisit than film to determine whether Walt Disney had the same obsession
DeleteIf you'd come downstairs on your 8th birthday and seen the look on the face of the goldfish MURDERED by a cat... I say the look on its face - its head was missing.
DeleteI'm not sure what the Disney position was on cats. They are pretty sympathetic in 'The Arisocats' but less so in 'Lady and the Tramp'.
I think we can assume Walt Disney did hate cats after all Mickey Mouse was huge - if that isn't enough to scare any cats away what is?
DeleteAlso Hanna-Barbera we pretty anti-cat.