Church to Offer NHS Services

In shocking news the Church of England has announced it will start offering NHS services once the controversal Heath and Social Care Bill is passed, paving the way to privatisation of the NHS.





Whilst the Church traditionally only treats souls, it will start offering new services based at it's Chester Catherdral Offices.

Initially the Church is expected to offer A & E services on the first Sunday of each month, brain surgery on the second Sunday of each month, an alcohol addiction drink-in service each Wednesday evening between 20:00 and 23:00 and podiatry services to older citizens each morning from 9:30 to 12:30.

A spokesperson for the Church, Rev Al Mighty said "Whilst our buildings are normally open for a short period, the cost of their upkeep has made us questions what else we could use our property for to help offset these costs. Whilst we normally only offer non-invasive services like chronic Soul repair, we think it is time for the Church to provide a more holistic approach to our patrons needs."

http://www.nwas.nhs.uk/news/press-releases-statements/13-march-2013/

Not everybody in the Church's congregation are in favour of introducing this new-fangled branch of healing, with Mrs Fiery Bush warning "This could divide the Church of England even more than female Bishops, Gay Marriage or Sexual Abuse.  The church should stick to its traditional role in society of taking money from people who can barely afford it and then invest it into stocks and shares to ensure the higher echelons can enjoyed a comfy lifestyle whilst we all have to sit on hard wooden seats."

Are the empty pews better than full pews?