Michael Harpoon-Throttler has admitted that they are struggling to cope with the increase in patients requiring a range of complex and costly treatments. Diabetes, cardio-vascular disease, worn out joints, Man-boobs and personal hygiene crises are a regular sight for the doctors and nursing staff.
"We have opened a new clinic for the clinically and morbidly obese on the top floor of the hospital and we are literally buckling under the demand. We are going to need an increase of funding of around 25% this year, to re-inforce the floors. The people of Moanchester seem to have adopted a mainly sedantry lifestyle, and a sausage roll diet. I am worried about the long term prospects for the health of this Region, but I am more worried about what I might see the next time the sun comes out"
A typical June sight in Piccadilly Gardens.
Terry Dunlop from the Manchester branch of Overeaters Anonymous was critical of the hospital. "Overweight people need sympathy, not criticism that undermines their already low esteem. Eating is a form of compensating for feelings of inadequacy. Some of the people we see are very lonely and see no-one from one day to the next apart from the lady at the pie shop, or the chippy, or the take-away pizza delivery boy. We want the NHS to support people to gradually reduce their dependency on food, allow them to go cold turkey, or perhaps a nice risotto and garlic bread "
A bit unfair picking on fatties, if they did not spend their dosh on takeaways, cheap beer and confectionaries - the local economy would go down the pan and our towns occupied by tumbleweed.
ReplyDeleteI once attended Regent house in Stockport for physio. at the same time was the COPD group on the second floor -the lift wasn't working and it was sad to see so many people coming to reception out of breath carrying oxygen tanks
ReplyDeleteCouldn't we just locate take aways further away than they are now? Then people could burn off the calories they guzzle by walking there and back.
ReplyDeleteObviously this would also require a ban on cars, so it's win:win. As a compromise, we could ban 4x4 cars, so they'd have to slim down in order to fit into their car.
Perhaps having narrower doors on takeaways, a bit like you must be thinner than this to enter
DeleteOr maybe even narrower exit doors than entrances.
DeleteActually this would be cruel as they would be trapped with the food they love, and would have to choose between that and their loved ones in the outside world.
I assume most would simply take up residence.
Seperate entrance and exit doors - blimey you live in a posh area, or an area where they cannot tell what the 'push' and 'pull' signs say
DeleteWhy cannot our inventors come-up with a device that intercepts food once it has entered the mouth but before it reaches the stomach? Come on Mr Dyson
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