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| The Chancellor, on "dress down" day |
Out of touch Toff Chancellor George 'Gideon' Osborne has thumbed his stuck up nose at Choughworld's campaign against chip pan fires (supported by Greater Manchester Fire and Rescue Service).
In a move that surprised no-one the MP for Tatton in Cheshire showed utter contempt for the 50 victims of chip pan fires per year, by reducing duty on beer, while encouraging shale gas exploration.
"It's outrageous, " said new celebrity follower Keith Chegwin. "There is a well known link between drinking beer, lighting the gas ring and chip pan fires."
Alleged actor Ken Barlow, who plays aging lothario Bill Roach in Hollyoaks added, "What a twat, I hope something really nasty happens to him in a future life."
"I don't rarely care if poor people burn in their hovels," said an unknown source close to the Chancellor. "It will just free up more land for me to play croquet on. If I were passing a chip pan fire after a few jereboams of Krug, I wouldn't even piss on it.
At least in this, the Prime Minister is giving good advice. It is not recommended to urinate or pour any liquids onto a chip pan fire, as this may cause a fireball. Instead turn off the heat (if its safe to do so) and call the Fire and Rescue Service. Do not cook chips when drunk.
A cunning ploy to increase alcoholism, thereby increasing evictions and on-street living, so as to flood the housing market with cheap dwellings. Deplorable.
ReplyDeleteA cunning plan to allow everyone to drink a bit more to drown their sorrows, thereby increasing the likelyhood of people forgetting how bad a Goverment this really is and so increasing their chances of being re-elected. Brilliant.
A cunning plan to increase one of the UK's biggest business sector, brewing, thereby increasing the profitability of companies in this vital sector which will be reflected in larger corporation tax receipts. Smart.
A cunning plan to keep those working-class 'oiks' drunk and unable to voice any reasonnable criticisms and organise protests. Terrible.
Why wasn't I asked to comment? Chip pan fires are all about physics you know.
ReplyDeleteI knew you'd come crawling back.
DeleteHow was Cannes? Cannot wait for the new ESA pictures
DeleteI'm in Hong Kong today. I wan't in Cannes, that was the other, less handsome Brian Cox.
DeleteWatching Steph Flanders ripping into Ed Balls on BBC 2 was rather amusing, however we're between a rock & a hard place & there aren't easy answers. Never before has the economy taken to long to recover, and that's since the 30s. The outlook for the economy is truly dire, and there's no real sign of an upturn. At this rate sooner or later we're going to have to realise our standard of living is not sustainable. Services like the NHS and education will have to be drastically scaled back, especially as they come under additional pressure from immigration from Eastern Europe. The longer we go on spending what we haven't got, the bigger the bill when we realise we have to stop.
ReplyDeleteWell at least pensioners will be ok
DeletePerhaps if we all voted UKIP our problems would be solved?
Delete.not right wing enough for some
Deletealso David, thanks for revealing yourself as not other than ....drum roll please....thoughtful, or is it mindful thoughts this week?
DeleteI wouldn't mind but he said exactly the same thing in our tawdry rival... Way to cut and paste David.
DeletePerhaps we should hold a vote on whether he is a she, she is a he or whether he/she is an it?
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