Tuesday 12 March 2013

Falkland Islands Vote to 'Remain In South Atlantic'

Following years of sabre rattling between the UK and Argentinian Governments, the people of the Falkland Islands yesterday cast their votes on whether to remain in the South Atlantic or be forcibly moved to the Isle of Wight.




In an online EXCLUSIVE we can reveal that Falkland Islanders have voted to remain in the South Atlantic rather than get any closer to the UK, despite it being less windy and a more temperate climate overall than where they are now.

One islander, who wished to remain annonymous for fear of reprisals, voted to move saying "I am disappointed with the results of this vote as I am sick and tired of this wind. It blows constantly and I have lost a large number of clothes that I have put on my washing line. Where do people think I will get the money from to replace the clothes?"

Overwhelmingly however islanders voted to remain as far away from the UK as possible. Another islander said "We have seen what is happening in the UK and people want to stay well away from there. Whilst it may be a hard life living on these remote wind-swept islands, we hear what the UK Government is doing in the UK and want to be as far away from them as possible."

The Argentinian Government expressed their gratitude to the invaders of the Malvinas with their offical spokesperson for these matters saying "We are glad the people of the Malvinas voted to remain in the South Atlantic. It will allow us to continue to use the disputed sovereignty of the islands as a political tool to whip up Argentinians anger, thereby distracting our own populations  attention away from the way we mishandle Argentina's economy."

Do you think the islanders were right to remain where they are?
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10 comments:

  1. Unknown12 March 2013 at 11:51

    I heard them on the radio this morning. It's like a group of people are trying to re-create the Home Counties on a different continent.

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    Replies
    1. scratching my head12 March 2013 at 14:29

      Or is it a group of ex-Falklanders working on farms within the home countries trying to recreate the Falklands over here, but without penguins

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    2. Dan Brown12 March 2013 at 14:49

      Perhaps it's secret funding being diverted to the Illuminati... Do the Falklands exist at all?

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    3. Professor Due North12 March 2013 at 16:01

      That is an interesting point, because the Falkland Islands as they are refered to are merely an archipelago of the Patagodian shelf and before the last Ice age ended, were connected to South America by a land bridge.

      One could therefore argue they were not really an island at all and therefore could be classed as a hill with a flooded valley

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    4. Unknown12 March 2013 at 16:40

      How about we grant them independence and send Lady Gaga over to be their Queen?

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    5. scratching my head12 March 2013 at 19:02

      An interesting proposal, but if they were independent (which they do not wish to be) wouldn't those untrustworthy nasty Argies just invade anwway.

      To ensure their independence we would need to physcially move the land away from Argentina, perhaps to the middle of Essex -they need the land there to build new homes on after all, a win-win situation.

      However we could still leave Lady Gaga in a boat in the middle of the South Atlantic and let the Argies have her as compensation.

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    6. Unknown12 March 2013 at 19:21

      I think the Argies have suffered enough, with a military dictatorship etc. Lady Gaga is our problem, and we have to take responsibility for her safe disposal - maybe 2013 will be the lucky year?

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    7. scratching my head12 March 2013 at 19:23

      We could always bury her deep underground in the Lake District

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    8. Unknown12 March 2013 at 19:25

      Or to quote Frankie Boyle "For 3 million you could give everyone in Scotland a shovel, and we could dig a hole so deep we could hand her over to Satan in person."

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  2. Anonymous12 March 2013 at 20:01

    For a trip down memory lane, check out the link below:

    http://blogs.menmedia.co.uk/politics/2010/06/the-salford-star-and-hyperlocal-journalism/#comments

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