Government announces increase in overnight hostel provision

Sometime last night, or possibly this morning, the Government announced a new incentive to provide temporary overnight accomodation to the homeless people of Greater Moanchester.

In a electrifying move, the government announced a £32 billion scheme which will make sleeping rough in the cold and damp atmospheric conditions of Greater Moanchester a thing of the past.

The new plans, which will hopefully be completed by 2032, will see a 7-mile long hostel created underground, running from the city outskirts right to the heart of the city.

A spokesperson from Swelter said "This is a fantastic boost to our campaign to provide more temporary overnight shelters to homeless people".

They did, however express caution "the trouble with these large scale infrastructure projects, is time, cost and quality. What we are adament about is that time and quality are prioritised, we need this new shelter built quickly and it must be good quality overnight accomodation and sod the cost, but this has never been achieved by any Government before."

Our reporters were on the streets last night when they should have been tucked up in bed, like our editor in chief not doubt (naming no names), to ask the homeless community their thoughts. Mostly they were greeted with derision and comments like "What you doing waking me up for scumbag" and "get lost wierdo before I knock yer teeth out."

A spokesperson for Help The Older People said "Typical, this government doesn't care about older people living on the streets, how many do you think will be alive by 2032? This project will only benefit the youth of today"

However, we have to ask, is this project signalling the end of above ground homeless shelters? Probably not, but we had to ask.