Monday, 8 April 2013

Shock Proposal to Privatise Hell


In a move that shocked Heaven and Earth alike, and which was weirdly predicted on Saturday by Choughworld, Hell has been subjected to a hostile takeover.  Analysts predict huge redundancies amongst minor demons as damnation services are put out to tender.  G4S are widely tipped to secure several of these contracts.

A spokesman for the newly formed British Hell announced "For too long, the damned have been an under-used resource, for whom eternally punishment in the pits of hell is ultimately a lifestyle choice.  Under BH's new Chairman Baroness Thatcher, these scroungers will be rounded up and forced to pay for their upkeep.  We will also recover the running costs of the enterprise from the descendents of the damned."

This move was greeted with support from the current cabinet. "Why didn't we think of that?" they mused.

Posted by at

21 comments:

  1. CC, Original and Best8 April 2013 at 19:19

    I am sure Mrs Thatcher would approve

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown8 April 2013 at 19:31

      I'm hoping her coffin will be sponsored rather than burden the public purse.


      But I can't think of anyone funny to sponsor it...

      Delete
    2. scratching my head8 April 2013 at 22:04

      Probably quite a few will pay for the embalming, just to make sure she is dead

      Delete
    3. CC, Original and Best8 April 2013 at 22:10

      Soylent food co?

      Delete
    4. Unknown8 April 2013 at 22:35

      I can't believe that I'll be paying for her funeral. I'm going to withhold £3,000,000 in taxes as a protest.

      Delete
  2. scratching my head8 April 2013 at 21:23

    Well that is one less wealthy pensioner getting a winter fuel allowance.

    ReplyDelete
  3. David Wilton8 April 2013 at 22:02

    Has anyone got any tissues, I just cannot stop crying

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. scratching my head8 April 2013 at 23:01

      Go read the daily Moan, I am sure that will cheer you up

      Delete
  4. Unknown8 April 2013 at 22:33

    The Daily Moan has provided an excellent roundup of all the disgraceful comments from lefties.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2305760/Margaret-Thatcher-dead-George-Galloway-leads-chorus-celebration-left.html

    ReplyDelete
  5. Unknown8 April 2013 at 22:36

    Just heard a firework go off... I've got a few left over.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. scratching my head8 April 2013 at 23:03

      I think David Wilton has reached a new record low for one of his comments.

      http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/former-prime-minister-baroness-margaret-2547147#comments

      Delete
    2. scratching my head8 April 2013 at 23:26

      BTW Git -you beat me to writing a story

      Delete
    3. Unknown9 April 2013 at 11:02

      What makes you think I didn't have this story ready before Monday?

      Delete
    4. scratching my head9 April 2013 at 11:12

      Like the rest of the press, just fill in the fine deltas of her actual demise

      Delete
  6. scratching my head9 April 2013 at 10:12

    Hey ho - another day, another fight with racism, bigotry, bullying and far right viewpoints. Never tire of it

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown9 April 2013 at 10:18

      Light at the end of the tunnel. Yesterday my mother confessed she'd stopped reading the Daily Mail as it made her depressed. It's still fairly strongly imprinted on her psyche though.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous9 April 2013 at 10:54

      You didn't mention you worked for UKIP?

      Delete
    3. Unknown9 April 2013 at 11:06

      I think Choughworld has a lot in common with UKIP. We're not very funny and they're not very funny.

      The main difference is we're trying to be funny, and they're trying to be serious. And we're not racists in suits of course.

      Delete
    4. scratching my head9 April 2013 at 11:14

      A bit like the monster raving looney party, but without the fancy costumes

      Delete
    5. Anonymous9 April 2013 at 23:18

      The light at the end of the tunnel has been extinguished. Mrs Chough Senior is back on the Daily Mail,

      Mrs Chough Jnr (running for cover....)

      Delete
    6. scratching my head10 April 2013 at 07:02

      Old habits die hard

      Delete

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