Trinity Mirror is reeling today at the runaway success that is the Moanchester Evening Views. Its new rival, which has copied its business model of publishing half-researched stories based on anything it finds on Twitter, or hears on the proper news that morning has scored an outstanding 1942 hits since its launch last Wednesday, or was it Thursday?
Said publisher Mr Chough "I am amazed by how easy it is to create news stories simply by searching Twitter and putting a map on the bottom of the page. Some naysayers have said all the posts are me, under different aliases, but this is only partially true."
The Moanchester Evening Views has had rave reviews from real journalists, and some of its stories are even being re-posted as real news.
Specialising in stories about dog fouling, recipies and anecdotes about childhood traumas, the Moanchester Evening Views is set to overtake its shoddy rival as the main source of news about Manchester.
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Thursday, 31 January 2013
Favorite Recipes
Post your all time favorite recipies here and share with the world
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| Tea chez Chough 31/1/13 |
Mum Takes Action Against Dog Muck
Enraged by our recent account of a pensioner whose shoes were ruined by dog muck, a plucky mum from gorse hill is taking her own form of action, by 'tagging' the mounds of the hounds.
http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/mary-patel-scours-pavements-of-gorse-1282092
http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/mary-patel-scours-pavements-of-gorse-1282092
Stalybridgers 'Execute' Speed Camera
News has come in through Twitter, that Stalybridgers have carried out an execution on a Speed Camera. In a chilling reminder of the 'Necklace Killings' carried out in South Africa during the 80s, a torch lit parade of muttering, superstitious locals approached the Camera, and put a burning tyre around its neck, before running away into the filth of their burrows.
"I don't like the way it looks at me", said one.
"If it flashes at you, it steals your soul and makes you infertile", said another.
Freidrich Engels described the "shocking filth, and the repulsive effect of Stalybridge", to which we must now add lawless lynchings of inanimate objects.
At the time we went to press, Jeremy Clarkson had not commented on this subject on Twitter.
Meanwhile, scientist, technologist and maverick philosopher 'Nigel Bennett' (@top1percentile) said of this subject "Police say by 'mindless criminals'. Hardly, looks like a well planned operation." which is pretty much in line with what most of the drones are saying here http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/torched-the-stalybridge-camera-that-clocked-140-1280818
View Larger Map
"I don't like the way it looks at me", said one.
"If it flashes at you, it steals your soul and makes you infertile", said another.
Freidrich Engels described the "shocking filth, and the repulsive effect of Stalybridge", to which we must now add lawless lynchings of inanimate objects.
At the time we went to press, Jeremy Clarkson had not commented on this subject on Twitter.
Meanwhile, scientist, technologist and maverick philosopher 'Nigel Bennett' (@top1percentile) said of this subject "Police say by 'mindless criminals'. Hardly, looks like a well planned operation." which is pretty much in line with what most of the drones are saying here http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/torched-the-stalybridge-camera-that-clocked-140-1280818
Or see where Stalybridge is, on our interactive map
View Larger Map
Wednesday, 30 January 2013
Worst Jokes ever
What are the worst jokes you have heard?
To start us off:
What is a frogs favorite drink? Croak a cola
What does an Italian ghost eat? Spookagetti
To start us off:
What is a frogs favorite drink? Croak a cola
What does an Italian ghost eat? Spookagetti
Manchester Xmas Market a Success
So were the Manchester Christmas markets a success?
Perhaps if we look solely at the amount of income received by Manchester City Council from the stall holders.
Recently released figures by Manchester City Council revealed that in 2012 it received more than £1.47 million in rent from stall holders, compared to £1.25 million in 2011.
This is good news for Manchester City Council as it shows that it's efforts have increased the amount going into the councils coffers by nearly 15% in one year.
This year Moanchester Evening News newest, and probably worst, contributor Mr S.M.Head travelled to the markets for the first time to see what all the fuss was about and to allow him to comment on the MEN's website, armed with some personnal experiences. Was he responsible for this sales growth? Probably not, he didn't buy much.
However in a statement Mr S.M.Head said "This was my first year going to the Manchester Christmas markets and I really enjoyed it, especially the warm macaroons, I will certainly be coming back next year."
So the question still remains, were the Manchester Christmas markets a success?
Perhaps if we look solely at the amount of income received by Manchester City Council from the stall holders.
Recently released figures by Manchester City Council revealed that in 2012 it received more than £1.47 million in rent from stall holders, compared to £1.25 million in 2011.
This is good news for Manchester City Council as it shows that it's efforts have increased the amount going into the councils coffers by nearly 15% in one year.
This year Moanchester Evening News newest, and probably worst, contributor Mr S.M.Head travelled to the markets for the first time to see what all the fuss was about and to allow him to comment on the MEN's website, armed with some personnal experiences. Was he responsible for this sales growth? Probably not, he didn't buy much.
However in a statement Mr S.M.Head said "This was my first year going to the Manchester Christmas markets and I really enjoyed it, especially the warm macaroons, I will certainly be coming back next year."
So the question still remains, were the Manchester Christmas markets a success?
Is there a future for the high street
Yesterday Amazon announced it's Q4 2012 financial results and what a good quarter it has been.
Amazon reported nett sales for Q4 of $21.27 billion, an increase of 22% on Q4 of 2011. Its full year results were $61.09 billion for 2012 compared to $48.08 billion for 2011, a rise of 27%.
Amazon reported a $854 million unfavorable impact from foreign exchange rates, ignoring this charge, amazons nett sales grew by a staggering 29%.
Amazon's investor release can be found at:
http://phx.corporate-ir.net/phoenix.zhtml?c=97664&p=irol-newsArticle&ID=1779040&highlight=
With results like this, the question has to be asked, is there a future for the high street shops?
In the UK we have already had the likes of HMV and Jessops closing down, who will be next?
Amazon reported nett sales for Q4 of $21.27 billion, an increase of 22% on Q4 of 2011. Its full year results were $61.09 billion for 2012 compared to $48.08 billion for 2011, a rise of 27%.
Amazon reported a $854 million unfavorable impact from foreign exchange rates, ignoring this charge, amazons nett sales grew by a staggering 29%.
Amazon's investor release can be found at:
http://phx.corporate-ir.net/phoenix.zhtml?c=97664&p=irol-newsArticle&ID=1779040&highlight=
With results like this, the question has to be asked, is there a future for the high street shops?
In the UK we have already had the likes of HMV and Jessops closing down, who will be next?
PM To visit Algeria for talks
The UK Prime Minister, Damian Camerooon, or snuggles as his partner calls him, is to visit Algeria for top level talks, only weeks after the hostage crisis took place. Said one insider "this could not have come at a better time for our PM, with all the problems he has faces at home, he is in desperate need of a short holiday."
We understand that Damain will be talking to the Algerian PM, whose name we could not be troubled to look up, on the roof top of a local bar whilst watching women perform belly dances to entertain the clientele.
One topic that is sure to 'arise' will be how the UK could export its private security business, specifically the UK G5S operations, to boost the security at vital oil installations.
In a statement issued by G5S it claimed "this will be good for the UK operations as since the fiasco at the Olympics, our UK operations have been reporting a downturn in new orders, new orders that we had expected to turn up just didn't and we had to bring forward orders with the armed forces."
The leader of the UK opposition party, Mr Nick 'trust me, we will not raise tuition fees' Clogg claimed it was scanderless. In a statement issued whilst he was asleep and probably doesn't remember saying it, "it is typical of Damian, at a time his adopted country needs him, he swans off for a jolly at the taxpayers expense." He drooled further "I can only hope that if the rumours about a G5S contract are true, we can supply 'hard to place' disabled people onto this contract so that they can have a nice warm holiday and also so we do not have to provide them anymore benefits."
We sought comments from the BSP party, but they were unintelliagble, probably due to their intoxicated state.
Whilst there has been rumours recently that Damian has been rubbing the civil service up the wrong way (they don't like it up-em), the chief Tea Cosy said "what utter nonsense, Damian and I have a professional working relationship and I hope he enjoys this vacation and never comes back, the stuck up snob".
This news could not have come at a better time for the UK's largest exporter, the armed forces, as recent cut-backs due to a lack of need take effect. Colonel Sub Machine-Gun said "This is exciting news, all our recently demobbed squaddies have been enetering the new missionary work sector and have been taking orders to go to Algeria and see if they can trace, identify and knock-off a potential threat to the UK sovereignty, namely Mr Damian Cameroon, who recently fled the UK."
Unconfirmed reports from this work sector suggest the newly recruitted ex-squaddies have taken the contract for free, some saying "he can run, but he can't hode forever, we will get him."
The question we all face is, now Damian has fled the country, should we increase of UKBA staff numbers to ensure he never comes back? What do you think?
We understand that Damain will be talking to the Algerian PM, whose name we could not be troubled to look up, on the roof top of a local bar whilst watching women perform belly dances to entertain the clientele.
One topic that is sure to 'arise' will be how the UK could export its private security business, specifically the UK G5S operations, to boost the security at vital oil installations.
In a statement issued by G5S it claimed "this will be good for the UK operations as since the fiasco at the Olympics, our UK operations have been reporting a downturn in new orders, new orders that we had expected to turn up just didn't and we had to bring forward orders with the armed forces."
The leader of the UK opposition party, Mr Nick 'trust me, we will not raise tuition fees' Clogg claimed it was scanderless. In a statement issued whilst he was asleep and probably doesn't remember saying it, "it is typical of Damian, at a time his adopted country needs him, he swans off for a jolly at the taxpayers expense." He drooled further "I can only hope that if the rumours about a G5S contract are true, we can supply 'hard to place' disabled people onto this contract so that they can have a nice warm holiday and also so we do not have to provide them anymore benefits."
We sought comments from the BSP party, but they were unintelliagble, probably due to their intoxicated state.
Whilst there has been rumours recently that Damian has been rubbing the civil service up the wrong way (they don't like it up-em), the chief Tea Cosy said "what utter nonsense, Damian and I have a professional working relationship and I hope he enjoys this vacation and never comes back, the stuck up snob".
This news could not have come at a better time for the UK's largest exporter, the armed forces, as recent cut-backs due to a lack of need take effect. Colonel Sub Machine-Gun said "This is exciting news, all our recently demobbed squaddies have been enetering the new missionary work sector and have been taking orders to go to Algeria and see if they can trace, identify and knock-off a potential threat to the UK sovereignty, namely Mr Damian Cameroon, who recently fled the UK."
Unconfirmed reports from this work sector suggest the newly recruitted ex-squaddies have taken the contract for free, some saying "he can run, but he can't hode forever, we will get him."
The question we all face is, now Damian has fled the country, should we increase of UKBA staff numbers to ensure he never comes back? What do you think?
Tuesday, 29 January 2013
MEN predicticts reduced longevity
Today the MEN took to the world of predictions.
In what one commentator has described as tactless, it declared that 'many' of its readers will have kicked the bucket by 2032.
This prediction came at a time when the Government announced further details of a high speed rail link from Moanchester to Londinium.
If the MEN prediction is correct, its own presence in the market is likely to also falter, as there will be less readers purchasing it. However making tactless comments like this, may bring its decline faster than it first believed.
Tomorrow, the MEN will try and predict this weeks mid-week national lottery numbers, but do not hold your breath!
In what one commentator has described as tactless, it declared that 'many' of its readers will have kicked the bucket by 2032.
This prediction came at a time when the Government announced further details of a high speed rail link from Moanchester to Londinium.
If the MEN prediction is correct, its own presence in the market is likely to also falter, as there will be less readers purchasing it. However making tactless comments like this, may bring its decline faster than it first believed.
Tomorrow, the MEN will try and predict this weeks mid-week national lottery numbers, but do not hold your breath!
Secret Stockport power station In leafy suburbs
The MEN today exposed a previously 'top' secret power station situated in the leafy suburbs of Stockprude.
http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/power-station-explosion-leaves-thousands-1251487
Most people living around the astablishment did not realise it was a secret power station, believing incorrectly that it was a normal sub-station. One local resident, who did not wish to be named, stated 'I have lived in this area all my life as has my parents and I just thought it was a bog standard local sub-station. I am totally appalled to find out that Stockprude Council installed this without residents knowledge."
If this allegation is true, it could indicate Stockprude Council may have installed other potentially life threatening installations in other areas, at risk from similar 'explosions'.
http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/power-station-explosion-leaves-thousands-1251487
Most people living around the astablishment did not realise it was a secret power station, believing incorrectly that it was a normal sub-station. One local resident, who did not wish to be named, stated 'I have lived in this area all my life as has my parents and I just thought it was a bog standard local sub-station. I am totally appalled to find out that Stockprude Council installed this without residents knowledge."
If this allegation is true, it could indicate Stockprude Council may have installed other potentially life threatening installations in other areas, at risk from similar 'explosions'.
Angry Brigade Thrown into Confusion
In a shocking move today, the Court of Appeal used the Human Rights Act to state that some disclosures by the Criminal Record Bureau are in breach of human rights.
"I'm confused," said Daily Moan reader Donny Watts. "I hate the CRB, because the Daily Moan has told me to, but I also hate the Human Rights act because it's European, and Liberty which supported the case, especially as it's headed by a woman. I don't know what to think. And I hate paedophiles too of course."
Sadly the Daily Moan won't help you here and other readers are just as confused. The Daily Moan doesn't appear to have an angle on this.
Does the complex nature of real life make YOU confused? Put your inarticulate comments here. Go on - they're genuinely funny to read.
"I'm confused," said Daily Moan reader Donny Watts. "I hate the CRB, because the Daily Moan has told me to, but I also hate the Human Rights act because it's European, and Liberty which supported the case, especially as it's headed by a woman. I don't know what to think. And I hate paedophiles too of course."
Sadly the Daily Moan won't help you here and other readers are just as confused. The Daily Moan doesn't appear to have an angle on this.
Does the complex nature of real life make YOU confused? Put your inarticulate comments here. Go on - they're genuinely funny to read.
Tumble Drier Catches Fire in Whitefield - Real Story
If there were more news like this, then the MEN might get some of the thousands of readers back from its award winning rival.
http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/tumble-drier-damages-properties-after-1251417
Do YOU use a tumble dryer? Have YOU flooded your neighbours flat? Do YOU live in Whitefield?
http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/tumble-drier-damages-properties-after-1251417
Do YOU use a tumble dryer? Have YOU flooded your neighbours flat? Do YOU live in Whitefield?
Government announces increase in overnight hostel provision
Sometime last night, or possibly this morning, the Government announced a new incentive to provide temporary overnight accomodation to the homeless people of Greater Moanchester.
In a electrifying move, the government announced a £32 billion scheme which will make sleeping rough in the cold and damp atmospheric conditions of Greater Moanchester a thing of the past.
The new plans, which will hopefully be completed by 2032, will see a 7-mile long hostel created underground, running from the city outskirts right to the heart of the city.
A spokesperson from Swelter said "This is a fantastic boost to our campaign to provide more temporary overnight shelters to homeless people".
They did, however express caution "the trouble with these large scale infrastructure projects, is time, cost and quality. What we are adament about is that time and quality are prioritised, we need this new shelter built quickly and it must be good quality overnight accomodation and sod the cost, but this has never been achieved by any Government before."
Our reporters were on the streets last night when they should have been tucked up in bed, like our editor in chief not doubt (naming no names), to ask the homeless community their thoughts. Mostly they were greeted with derision and comments like "What you doing waking me up for scumbag" and "get lost wierdo before I knock yer teeth out."
A spokesperson for Help The Older People said "Typical, this government doesn't care about older people living on the streets, how many do you think will be alive by 2032? This project will only benefit the youth of today"
However, we have to ask, is this project signalling the end of above ground homeless shelters? Probably not, but we had to ask.
In a electrifying move, the government announced a £32 billion scheme which will make sleeping rough in the cold and damp atmospheric conditions of Greater Moanchester a thing of the past.
The new plans, which will hopefully be completed by 2032, will see a 7-mile long hostel created underground, running from the city outskirts right to the heart of the city.
A spokesperson from Swelter said "This is a fantastic boost to our campaign to provide more temporary overnight shelters to homeless people".
They did, however express caution "the trouble with these large scale infrastructure projects, is time, cost and quality. What we are adament about is that time and quality are prioritised, we need this new shelter built quickly and it must be good quality overnight accomodation and sod the cost, but this has never been achieved by any Government before."
Our reporters were on the streets last night when they should have been tucked up in bed, like our editor in chief not doubt (naming no names), to ask the homeless community their thoughts. Mostly they were greeted with derision and comments like "What you doing waking me up for scumbag" and "get lost wierdo before I knock yer teeth out."
A spokesperson for Help The Older People said "Typical, this government doesn't care about older people living on the streets, how many do you think will be alive by 2032? This project will only benefit the youth of today"
However, we have to ask, is this project signalling the end of above ground homeless shelters? Probably not, but we had to ask.
LTBs - Bankers in the spotlight again
Following the BBC's Panarama documentary last night (28/01/13), the world of banking was in uproar this morning.
Speaking about the allegations, one unamed banking source said to our reporter "how dare DWP back-to-work scheme providors use this term? It is totally demeaning to clients and paints a totally invalid picture of hard to place benefit claimants."
In a shock move, the banking world has promised to use the libel courts to their full extent to claim for damages caused to their industry. Another bank insider claimed "This term is used by the UK population as a whole to describe bankers, how dare they try and misuse it, we are the true LTB's in this case and we will fight to protect our right to solely have that term used against us."
Our reporters on the street asked a number of passer by's what they thought.
Mr S.M.Head said "Well I always use the term LTB when I have to go to the bank, when Mrs Head asked 'where are you going dear,' I always reply 'to see the LTBs dear' - how will I describe where I am going now, she may get the wrong impression that I am looking for a job"
Mr R.Twit stated "This is typical of the ConDem government, people trademark expressions like LTB and then have the rug pulled from underneath them, often breaking limbs"
Mr A.Hole questioned the bankers forthcoming libel action "Typical bankers, always thinking of themselves, what about those poor unfortunates who, through no fault of their own, are disabled and cannot work, what of their rights to be described as LTBs?"
As a result of last nights allegations, we understand that an early day motion is being discussed in Parliament today about a new way to help the disabled back into work. Specifically by implanting them with GPS tracking chips to see where they go during the day and determine if any are moonlighting or visiting places where they may be enjoying themselves.
Asked about this motion, our editor-in-chief Mr R.Hough said "this motion, if passed, would be a big leap forward in our trend of embedding maps into our news stories. Specifically it would allow us to show the public where the disabled people are congregating and send our reporters to ask their opinions, which alongside most other news outlets, we would use to back up our current views on the economy, or not, as the case may be, depending on how I slept last night"
We were going to ask a number of disabled charities for their comments, but we ran out of time.
Does this matter affect you in the slightest way, if so please let us know how.
Speaking about the allegations, one unamed banking source said to our reporter "how dare DWP back-to-work scheme providors use this term? It is totally demeaning to clients and paints a totally invalid picture of hard to place benefit claimants."
In a shock move, the banking world has promised to use the libel courts to their full extent to claim for damages caused to their industry. Another bank insider claimed "This term is used by the UK population as a whole to describe bankers, how dare they try and misuse it, we are the true LTB's in this case and we will fight to protect our right to solely have that term used against us."
Our reporters on the street asked a number of passer by's what they thought.
Mr S.M.Head said "Well I always use the term LTB when I have to go to the bank, when Mrs Head asked 'where are you going dear,' I always reply 'to see the LTBs dear' - how will I describe where I am going now, she may get the wrong impression that I am looking for a job"
Mr R.Twit stated "This is typical of the ConDem government, people trademark expressions like LTB and then have the rug pulled from underneath them, often breaking limbs"
Mr A.Hole questioned the bankers forthcoming libel action "Typical bankers, always thinking of themselves, what about those poor unfortunates who, through no fault of their own, are disabled and cannot work, what of their rights to be described as LTBs?"
As a result of last nights allegations, we understand that an early day motion is being discussed in Parliament today about a new way to help the disabled back into work. Specifically by implanting them with GPS tracking chips to see where they go during the day and determine if any are moonlighting or visiting places where they may be enjoying themselves.
Asked about this motion, our editor-in-chief Mr R.Hough said "this motion, if passed, would be a big leap forward in our trend of embedding maps into our news stories. Specifically it would allow us to show the public where the disabled people are congregating and send our reporters to ask their opinions, which alongside most other news outlets, we would use to back up our current views on the economy, or not, as the case may be, depending on how I slept last night"
We were going to ask a number of disabled charities for their comments, but we ran out of time.
Does this matter affect you in the slightest way, if so please let us know how.
Monday, 28 January 2013
Search on for Real Life Simpsons
The search is on to find Manchester's real life Simpsons family. The new reality show 'Are you the Real Life Simpsons' will be auditioning dysfunctional families this Saturday at Salford's Media City.
It will be amazing said executive producer Jolyan Prouch. "When I look out of my taxi between here and Picadilly Station, I look out over dozens of hopeless families, led by oafish, overweight, balding dads, while long suffering mums with blue hair look on sadly."
"I was talking to my cleaner yesterday, and the things she said had me rolling around on my leather pouffe."
See the route Jolyan might have taken on this interactive map
View Larger Map
Are YOU a real life cartoon character? Comment below before we put an interactive map on this story too.
It will be amazing said executive producer Jolyan Prouch. "When I look out of my taxi between here and Picadilly Station, I look out over dozens of hopeless families, led by oafish, overweight, balding dads, while long suffering mums with blue hair look on sadly."
"I was talking to my cleaner yesterday, and the things she said had me rolling around on my leather pouffe."
See the route Jolyan might have taken on this interactive map
View Larger Map
Are YOU a real life cartoon character? Comment below before we put an interactive map on this story too.
Liverpool - The 'capital' of cycling in the North West
Unconfirmed reports were received early this morning that Liverpool are planning to roll out a cycle hire scheme that would rival even that of Londons.
Whilst our researchers have tried to substantiate these reports, Liverpool City Councils website had no mention of this.
If true however, this would servely dent Manchesters proposed plans to become the 'capital of cycling' in Britain.
Is this a battle between these 2 great North West cities, or just a load of hot air?
See where Liverpool is, on our interactive Map.
View Larger Map
Whilst our researchers have tried to substantiate these reports, Liverpool City Councils website had no mention of this.
If true however, this would servely dent Manchesters proposed plans to become the 'capital of cycling' in Britain.
Is this a battle between these 2 great North West cities, or just a load of hot air?
See where Liverpool is, on our interactive Map.
View Larger Map
Favorite Meals
With money tight and getting tighter, are you too turning to good old fashioned cooking. Are you turning to those meals that you loved as a child, when your parents had little money and needed to eke out the food.
Well, one of our researchers remembers his firm favorite and shares it with you:
Onion Surprise
To cook
1. Top and tail 4 large onions
2. Place the onions in a boiling pan of stock
3. Boil the onions in the stock for at least 30 minutes, or until soft and mushy
To serve
Place one slice of bread in a serving dish (butter optional) and place one onion on top of it. Drizzle some stock onto the inion and serve immediately.
What are your favorite childhood recipes that you would like to share with other readers?
View Larger Map
Well, one of our researchers remembers his firm favorite and shares it with you:
Onion Surprise
To cook
1. Top and tail 4 large onions
2. Place the onions in a boiling pan of stock
3. Boil the onions in the stock for at least 30 minutes, or until soft and mushy
To serve
Place one slice of bread in a serving dish (butter optional) and place one onion on top of it. Drizzle some stock onto the inion and serve immediately.
What are your favorite childhood recipes that you would like to share with other readers?
Wales - Spiritual Home of Leeks and Onions
View Larger Map
Take your Grandchildren to London in Just Over an Hour
Parents are getting increasingly excited that by the 2030s they will be able to take their grandchildren on a day trip to London in around 1 hour 10 minutes.
With the High Speed Rail link (HS2) Journey times will be slashed to just 1 hour 10 minutes from Manchester to Birmingham. The line is due to open in 2032.
This will be ideal, said Rupert Redhawke, aged 42. "My children are quite young now, but I look forward to taking my grandchildren on a trip to see King William at Buckingham Palace."
When asked what other sights he would see he said "I look forward to seeing the re-generation of the area around the Olympic Park, which had sadly slipped into decline during the 20 years after the Olympics."
"My Grandchildren will love taking a hoverscooter ride over the dried up bed of the Serpentine".
See The current route from Manchester to London on your interactive map
View Larger Map
How will YOU use the new HS2 line in 20 years' time?
With the High Speed Rail link (HS2) Journey times will be slashed to just 1 hour 10 minutes from Manchester to Birmingham. The line is due to open in 2032.
This will be ideal, said Rupert Redhawke, aged 42. "My children are quite young now, but I look forward to taking my grandchildren on a trip to see King William at Buckingham Palace."
When asked what other sights he would see he said "I look forward to seeing the re-generation of the area around the Olympic Park, which had sadly slipped into decline during the 20 years after the Olympics."
"My Grandchildren will love taking a hoverscooter ride over the dried up bed of the Serpentine".
See The current route from Manchester to London on your interactive map
View Larger Map
How will YOU use the new HS2 line in 20 years' time?
Saturday, 26 January 2013
Council Prospects
We've heard it before, council cutbacks, redundancies, pay freezes...but despite the gloom and doom Council's are still recuiting.
A non-exlcusive WEB investigation found that, if you were looking to work for one of the councils of Greater Manchester, the jobs were advertisind on the following website:
https://www.yourcounciljobs.co.uk/
Here is a breakdown of the jobs on offer at your council*
Whilst much has been said that new jobs being created are only part-time, further investigations found that for the councils, the most (by type*) were for full-time. The breakdown is as follows:
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(*correct on 26/01/1013)
Funeral Costs Worrying You to Death?
Are funeral costs worrying you to death?
A quick search online has shown that your funeral costs can be almost as expensive as buying a car! For example, with AgeUK, funeral costs can be over £3,000*
http://www.ageuk.org.uk/products/financial-products-and-services/funeral-plan/?ito=GAG7417734808&itc=GAC34144859728&itkw=funeral%20costs&itawmt=PHRASE&itawnw=search&gclid=COi08KDJhrUCFePHtAodgTQAiA
However, in searching for this information , our researcher noticed a company called CremDirect who operate in the North West, who offer a packaged service for only £1,750, as well as offering to help apply for a grant, if appropriate.
http://www.ageuk.org.uk/products/financial-products-and-services/funeral-plan/?ito=GAG7417734808&itc=GAC34144859728&itkw=funeral%20costs&itawmt=PHRASE&itawnw=search&gclid=COi08KDJhrUCFePHtAodgTQAiA
Does this mean the internet is lowering prices? What level of service did you receive from your funeral director on your 'big' day' - did it go smoothly, were your wishes respected and how did you feel 'overall' on your special day?
So if you passed away recently, please get in touch and let us know your views
p.s. No frogs were injured during this investigation
(*it was when we checked 26/1/2013)
A quick search online has shown that your funeral costs can be almost as expensive as buying a car! For example, with AgeUK, funeral costs can be over £3,000*
http://www.ageuk.org.uk/products/financial-products-and-services/funeral-plan/?ito=GAG7417734808&itc=GAC34144859728&itkw=funeral%20costs&itawmt=PHRASE&itawnw=search&gclid=COi08KDJhrUCFePHtAodgTQAiA
However, in searching for this information , our researcher noticed a company called CremDirect who operate in the North West, who offer a packaged service for only £1,750, as well as offering to help apply for a grant, if appropriate.
http://www.ageuk.org.uk/products/financial-products-and-services/funeral-plan/?ito=GAG7417734808&itc=GAC34144859728&itkw=funeral%20costs&itawmt=PHRASE&itawnw=search&gclid=COi08KDJhrUCFePHtAodgTQAiA
Does this mean the internet is lowering prices? What level of service did you receive from your funeral director on your 'big' day' - did it go smoothly, were your wishes respected and how did you feel 'overall' on your special day?
So if you passed away recently, please get in touch and let us know your views
p.s. No frogs were injured during this investigation
(*it was when we checked 26/1/2013)
Disclaimer
Here at Moanchester Evening Views, our contributors take no pride whatsoever in producing posts that bear no relation to the actual stories being reported. We admit that we will stoop very low in order to get the News that no one else is particularly bothered about reporting. We may occassionally take artisitc licence to the extreme and come up with headlines that bear literally no relationship to the story we have printed. We are proud to be whacky and irrealevant and totally unlike other News reporting agencies.
So, take everything with a pinch of salt (especially on Chips, but not too much because we would hate the health police to close us down), don't believe anything you read, but most importantly of all - have a good time
Disclaimer to the Disclaimer
Here at Moanchester Evening Views, we take pride in everything we post. Whilst everything we post we believe is accurate, unfortuneatly we cannot guarentee it. We would recommend that if anything is particularly relevant to you, you confirm its accuracy via trusted third party sites/sources.
So, take everything with a pinch of salt (especially on Chips, but not too much because we would hate the health police to close us down), don't believe anything you read, but most importantly of all - have a good time
Disclaimer to the Disclaimer
Here at Moanchester Evening Views, we take pride in everything we post. Whilst everything we post we believe is accurate, unfortuneatly we cannot guarentee it. We would recommend that if anything is particularly relevant to you, you confirm its accuracy via trusted third party sites/sources.
Too Much Time on Your Hands
This weekend (26/01/2013) a man, named locally as 'you old-git', was found to have too much time on his hands.
A neightbour grew concerned when the man did not appear in his garden and called round to see if he was ok. On answering the door, the door was opened and neighbour invited in for a cup of tea and a chat.
As time went on, the neighbour grew concerned as the man kept disappearing every few minutes, never being able to stay sat for too long. Eventually the neightbour confronted the man and asked the all important question "what are you doing in there?" Awaiting a response, the neighbour heard subdued mutterings from the room the man kept disappearing into. Fearing the worst, the neighbour went to investigate.
What she found was disheartening and disappointing. The man was sat silently by a computer, feeding circular items into a tray, that moved effortlessly in and out. "What are you up to?" she asked, his reply was less than enthusiastic "I got a new iPOD and I am putting my music on to it, but this disc isn't being recognised" All became clear to the neighbour, who left shortly afterwards.
No police were called to this incident.
A neightbour grew concerned when the man did not appear in his garden and called round to see if he was ok. On answering the door, the door was opened and neighbour invited in for a cup of tea and a chat.
As time went on, the neighbour grew concerned as the man kept disappearing every few minutes, never being able to stay sat for too long. Eventually the neightbour confronted the man and asked the all important question "what are you doing in there?" Awaiting a response, the neighbour heard subdued mutterings from the room the man kept disappearing into. Fearing the worst, the neighbour went to investigate.
What she found was disheartening and disappointing. The man was sat silently by a computer, feeding circular items into a tray, that moved effortlessly in and out. "What are you up to?" she asked, his reply was less than enthusiastic "I got a new iPOD and I am putting my music on to it, but this disc isn't being recognised" All became clear to the neighbour, who left shortly afterwards.
No police were called to this incident.
Confusing Burglary Statistics
On day after the Daily Moan reported on Burglary hotspots, the MEN published a different set of figures with different conclusions.
Whilst the Daily Moan, in their report, names Eccles as the area most likely to make a claim for burglary, the MEN named Eccles as the 21st.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2267992/Revealed-UKs-burglary-black-spots-Areas-Leeds-Bradford-identified-risk-insurance-companies.html
http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/crime-down-your-street-didsbury-1218183
Who is correct, or are they both, or even neither. Is this a case of statistics, suitably processed, create a different answer?
Whilst the Daily Moan, in their report, names Eccles as the area most likely to make a claim for burglary, the MEN named Eccles as the 21st.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2267992/Revealed-UKs-burglary-black-spots-Areas-Leeds-Bradford-identified-risk-insurance-companies.html
http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/crime-down-your-street-didsbury-1218183
Who is correct, or are they both, or even neither. Is this a case of statistics, suitably processed, create a different answer?
Friday, 25 January 2013
Football Weekend Predictions
With the weekend upon us, what do you predict will be your teams result? Who do you think will be the 'best player' of the weekend and what will be the points difference by Monday?
Vanishing Traditions
It's Friday, traditional day for a chippy tea, but are these traditions vanishing and why?
In days not so long ago, our typical tea was fish, chips and mushy peas, but with the cost of todays takeaways rising rapidly, it has been changed to pie, chips, carrots & broccoli covered in a rich gravy - all home made.
What are you having for tea? Has this changed over the years? Do you expect it to change?
In days not so long ago, our typical tea was fish, chips and mushy peas, but with the cost of todays takeaways rising rapidly, it has been changed to pie, chips, carrots & broccoli covered in a rich gravy - all home made.
What are you having for tea? Has this changed over the years? Do you expect it to change?
Snakes in Manchester
Are you scared of snakes? Perhaps it's time to change all that. On the 10th February 2013, the Chinese New Year celebrations hit Manchester city centre
http://www.visitmanchester.com/articles/whats-on/chinese-new-year-2013/
Make it a family day out and enjoy the Atmosphere and excitement, in what is traditionally a miserable time of year.
http://www.visitmanchester.com/articles/whats-on/chinese-new-year-2013/
Make it a family day out and enjoy the Atmosphere and excitement, in what is traditionally a miserable time of year.
Zombie event for Kids
Are your kids zombie mad, do they fight zombies on their games consoles, watch them on the TV and even dream about slaughtering their masses, well now they can see in 'real life' how to survive a Zombie invasion...
http://www.mosi.org.uk/whats-on/saturday-science.aspx
...and its educational too
http://www.mosi.org.uk/whats-on/saturday-science.aspx
...and its educational too
The long arm of the law
You can run, but you can never hid forever:
http://www.gmp.police.uk/content/WebsitePages/0EA5410F9B51F8EE80257AF3005867EF?OpenDocument
After stealing approx. £80,000 worth of diamonds from a dealer getting out of his car in Singleton road, Broughton Park in Salford on 12th Octover 2011, the thief made off to colombia to evade arrest. However he returned to the UK and was arrested in London.
Having your Cake and not eating it
The food standards agency has issued a warning about cakes being supplied in the North West
http://www.food.gov.uk/news-updates/recalls-news/2013/jan/sweet-products-recall
The agency reports that, whilst it is not possible to fully identify where the products have been distributed to, some are believed to have been sold through markets.
http://www.food.gov.uk/news-updates/recalls-news/2013/jan/sweet-products-recall
The agency reports that, whilst it is not possible to fully identify where the products have been distributed to, some are believed to have been sold through markets.
UK Exclusive - Nursery Rhymes Cut Backs
In the UK today, many mums were agast to see the effect of the government cut backs on the world of nursery rhymes.
General Buttercup wrote an open letter to the Daily Moan advising parents of the effects of the nasty Government on the world of nursery Rhymes. General Buttercup complained bitterly of the cut backs affecting the grand Ole Duke of York regiment.
He stated 'We used to have a fighting capability of 10,000 soldiers in this regiment alone, however following the latest Offence Spending Review, we have had to let 5,000 of our troops go', stating further 'even though with 10,000 troops we could not protect a hill successfully, having to keep marching up and down, to fool enemies into thinking we have more men, with only 5,000, we can barely defend a ditch, falling in and climbing out.'
Mums all around the country reacted furiously by throwing their childrens toys out of the pram.
One mother, who wished to remain anonymous said 'How are we supposed to sing the Grand Old Duke of York rhyme now, knowing that no hills are climbed.' Another mum, called Mrs Fruitcake said of the reduction in troop levels 'think of the impact this has on children, now they will never know what a hill is,' she continued 'now our children will only know of ditches, it's like living in Victorian times again'
More news of the impact of the cutbacks on nursey rhymes soon....
General Buttercup wrote an open letter to the Daily Moan advising parents of the effects of the nasty Government on the world of nursery Rhymes. General Buttercup complained bitterly of the cut backs affecting the grand Ole Duke of York regiment.
He stated 'We used to have a fighting capability of 10,000 soldiers in this regiment alone, however following the latest Offence Spending Review, we have had to let 5,000 of our troops go', stating further 'even though with 10,000 troops we could not protect a hill successfully, having to keep marching up and down, to fool enemies into thinking we have more men, with only 5,000, we can barely defend a ditch, falling in and climbing out.'
Mums all around the country reacted furiously by throwing their childrens toys out of the pram.
One mother, who wished to remain anonymous said 'How are we supposed to sing the Grand Old Duke of York rhyme now, knowing that no hills are climbed.' Another mum, called Mrs Fruitcake said of the reduction in troop levels 'think of the impact this has on children, now they will never know what a hill is,' she continued 'now our children will only know of ditches, it's like living in Victorian times again'
More news of the impact of the cutbacks on nursey rhymes soon....
Exclusive: Crime down 11%
Crime figures have baffled experts by falling by 11%.
Have feral kids become too lazy to cause trouble?
Here's what the Crime Commissioner is saying on Twitter.
"@GMPCC: #PCC welcomes crime figures which show 11% drop in crime across Greater Manchester http://t.co/vb4bE0Ot"
Read the full statement at
http://t.co/vb4bE0Ot
Have feral kids become too lazy to cause trouble?
Here's what the Crime Commissioner is saying on Twitter.
"@GMPCC: #PCC welcomes crime figures which show 11% drop in crime across Greater Manchester http://t.co/vb4bE0Ot"
Read the full statement at
http://t.co/vb4bE0Ot
Thursday, 24 January 2013
Man Steps in Dog Muck - Shoes Ruined
A pensioner from Weaste today contacted the Moanchester Evening Views to tell us of his shocking experiences.
Arthur Snow was walking down Langworthy Road, Weaste, he felt a strange soft feeling underfoot. He carried on walking but noticed leaves were sticking to his shoe, and a foul smell.
"I said to my wife, Daisy, 'Is that you'", he told our reporter, via Twitter. "But she denied it". Only when I got home and sat down in our front room did I notice I'd left a trail of dog mud all over our shag pile carpet. My shoes were ruined too.
Is there dog muck in your area? Check now on our interactive map.
View Larger Map
Arthur Snow was walking down Langworthy Road, Weaste, he felt a strange soft feeling underfoot. He carried on walking but noticed leaves were sticking to his shoe, and a foul smell.
"I said to my wife, Daisy, 'Is that you'", he told our reporter, via Twitter. "But she denied it". Only when I got home and sat down in our front room did I notice I'd left a trail of dog mud all over our shag pile carpet. My shoes were ruined too.
Is there dog muck in your area? Check now on our interactive map.
View Larger Map
MEN's lack of Commentators Comments
It has to be asked, is the reason why in todays (Jan-24 2013) MEN paper there is no comments from their message board being printed, due to the fact very few comments have been made on their website comapred to pre-Facebook days?
Serious Delays on Manchester - Liverpool Line go Unreported
In a shocking lapse, the Manchester Evening News yesterday failed to report on the serious travel delays on the Manchester - Liverpool line, caused by a power failure at Hunt's Cross.
Commuters between Manchester and Warrington, including Urmston and Irlam were delayed in freezing weather for over an hour while the trains were re-routed.
A spokesman for Northern Rail said 'We didn't now what was going on, so how do you expect us to keep passengers updated'.
This revelation follows the scandal of the MEN failing to report that the same line was closed by a landslip on 21st December, and closed for several days.
Commuters between Manchester and Warrington, including Urmston and Irlam were delayed in freezing weather for over an hour while the trains were re-routed.
A spokesman for Northern Rail said 'We didn't now what was going on, so how do you expect us to keep passengers updated'.
This revelation follows the scandal of the MEN failing to report that the same line was closed by a landslip on 21st December, and closed for several days.
Choughworld More Successful than new look MEN!
Official statistics reveal that Choughworld is now attracting more comments than the rival mainstream publication 'The Manchester Evening News'.
When asked to comment, editor Mr Chough made the statement "I have no idea where you got your figures from, but it is gratifying to show what people's journalism can achieve". He added "We've not even started writing the script to get content from Twitter and Wikipedia and re-hash it as news, but as a content free news site, we rival the MEN".
When asked to comment, editor Mr Chough made the statement "I have no idea where you got your figures from, but it is gratifying to show what people's journalism can achieve". He added "We've not even started writing the script to get content from Twitter and Wikipedia and re-hash it as news, but as a content free news site, we rival the MEN".
Yet Another 'Call' to set Minimum Prices for Alcohol
http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/health-chiefs-back-calls-for-50p-1240092
Do calls for Minimum Pricing make you angry? Is this on libertarian grounds or do you have a drink problem?
Do calls for Minimum Pricing make you angry? Is this on libertarian grounds or do you have a drink problem?
No snow (again)
Despite widespread forecasts of up to 5cm of snow, Stockport again is clear this morning
Wednesday, 23 January 2013
European Referendum
David Cameron will be making his long awaited speech on Europe today, promising a referendum after the next general election.
So what do you make of that?
So what do you make of that?
Tuesday, 22 January 2013
Pensioner Branded 'Moron' over Chip Pan Fire
A Bredbury pensioner has been branded a 'Moron' by Fire Chief Aiden McGarry over a recent chip pan fire.
A fire engine was called to Arthur Chasuble's (87) maisonette at 23:30 hours on Monday, after neighbours reported 'billowing smoke, like you get when you set fire to a chip pan'. After breaking down Mr Chasuble's front door, they found the kitchen engulfed in flames, while Mr Chasuble was lying prone in the front room, after having a 'nightcap'.
Neighbours reported that local character Chasuble frequently makes himself a quick pan of chips after a night at the British Legion, and always requires rescuing by the Fire Service.
Fire Chief Aiden McGarry said "The man's an utter Moron. We've been called out a dozen times to extinguish his chip pan, and we only came out this time because the head of the Fire Service made us.'
Celebrity Chef Heston Blumenthal added 'The best way to cook chips, is to fry them three times, freezing them after the first, cool fry. But never do this when pissed after the British Legion'.
Mr Chasuble commented 'I just like my chips.'
DO YOU think Mr Chasuble is a Moron? Should the Fire Brigade leave people like him to burn in their own homes? Comment here, without giving your life away to Facebook...
A fire engine was called to Arthur Chasuble's (87) maisonette at 23:30 hours on Monday, after neighbours reported 'billowing smoke, like you get when you set fire to a chip pan'. After breaking down Mr Chasuble's front door, they found the kitchen engulfed in flames, while Mr Chasuble was lying prone in the front room, after having a 'nightcap'.
Neighbours reported that local character Chasuble frequently makes himself a quick pan of chips after a night at the British Legion, and always requires rescuing by the Fire Service.
Fire Chief Aiden McGarry said "The man's an utter Moron. We've been called out a dozen times to extinguish his chip pan, and we only came out this time because the head of the Fire Service made us.'
Celebrity Chef Heston Blumenthal added 'The best way to cook chips, is to fry them three times, freezing them after the first, cool fry. But never do this when pissed after the British Legion'.
Mr Chasuble commented 'I just like my chips.'
DO YOU think Mr Chasuble is a Moron? Should the Fire Brigade leave people like him to burn in their own homes? Comment here, without giving your life away to Facebook...
What Shall We Talk About
Welcome to Choughworld / Moanchester Evening Views. Everybody is welcome, even if I don't agree with your views.
Anyone can post a comment. If you click on the topic you should get to a page where you can post,
If you want to add new topics (and I'm not going to do all the work myself) then email choughworld@gmail.com and I'll set up up to create new topics.
Anyone can post a comment. If you click on the topic you should get to a page where you can post,
If you want to add new topics (and I'm not going to do all the work myself) then email choughworld@gmail.com and I'll set up up to create new topics.
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