National Chip Pan Fire Month Reaches a Blazing Climax

DO NOT try this at home.

Despite earlier indications that chip pan fires in Manchester were a thing of the past (http://choughworld.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/chip-pan-fires-league-table.html) an elderly lady from Irlam has bucked this trend, "after a pan of food caught fire on an electric oven".

While it is not clear whether this was a traditional chip pan fire or not, we will ignore that detail, and declare this the final chip pan fire of National Chip Pan Fire month, and therefore the dubious winner.

http://www.manchesterfire.gov.uk/updates/incidents/28feb2013_woman_suffers_smoke_inhalation.aspx?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=twitter

Irlam, 'City' of Salford

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Tumble Driers as bad for you as Chips

As part of Choughworld's campaign to keep our homes safe from chip pan fires, we are adding washing machines and tumble driers to our hit list.

These innocent looking devices are just as capable of starting fires as the more traditional 'put the chip pan on when drunk and fall asleep' scenario.

Here is the Choughworld advice, on how to keep you, and your family safe.




1) Don't fry chips at home. 
2) Buy them from your local chippy.
3) On your way to the chippy, drop your clothes off at the launderette.
4) Once you've eaten your chips, pick up your washing and go home.
5) Watch the roads.
6) If you are foolish enough to use a tumble drier and it catches fire, do not throw water over it.
7) Make sure you have enough clean underwear so that you can pop out to the launderette in clean pants, so that if you do get run over, you won't be embarrassed at the hospital.

http://www.manchesterfire.gov.uk/updates/incidents/27feb_2012_two_electrical_appliance_fires-.aspx

Travel : Model Village Roundup

As we start to plan our camping and caravanning holidays for the summer, why not increase the fun by taking in some of the UK's finest attractions - Model Villages?

Dorset

Wimborne Minster is the home to a substantial model village, which is itself an exact replica of the village itself.  One omission is that in the corner of the model village where the model village should be located, there is just a blank space. 





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Wimborne is widely rumoured to be the location for the 'Model Village Scene' in the 2007 cop thriller 'Hot Fuzz'. Alas this is not so. The Model Village involved was built for the film, although Wimborne's village was the inspiration. Also features a cafe and a giant chessboard.

Devon

 

Once you've visited the Model Village at Babbacombe,  near Paignton you will never forget it.  Easily the largest model village in the UK - you could build a small human village on the space it occupies.  In terms of the Choughworld model village checklist:-

• Waterways: check
• Railways: check
• Moving roadways: check (when they work)
• Small houses: check

If this were not enough, you can also visit the workshops, see a model of Basil Fawlty hitting his butler Miguel frozen forever in time, medieval castles with dragons and visit a 4D cinema (for extra cost).



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Or take a trip down Memory Lane...

Of course Manchester used to have a model village 'Miniland' at Belle Vue.  If you'd like to take a trip down memory lane, go to http://manchesterhistory.net/bellevue/Miniland.html

Meteorite Near Miss for Manchester

Amidst all the reporting of the Chelyabinsk meteor strike, our science correspondent has revealed shock news that it could have hit Manchester.

According to TV spaceman Brian Cox (from Oldham) it was a near miss.  "The Universe is thousands of miles across, almost imaginable distances.  This meteor hit Russia at almost the same latitude as us, which would have devastated my collection of space rocks, and pop memorabilia."

The city of Chelyabinsk lies at latitude 55.09 N, 66.22E.  Had the meteor struck earth a few hours later, it would have hit near the Northumbrian town of Hexham or even the City of Newcastle upon Tyne.



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A meteorite strike like this is, however a once a century event, so Manchester is unlikely to be hit until 2113, so please don't panic.

Choughworld Hit By Vote Rigging Scandal

A cat, earlier today.

The editors, readers and detractors of Choughworld were shocked today, at the blatant vote rigging in our latest poll.

At the time this went to press, the "WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE ANIMAL?" poll was showing suspicious voting patterns.

"It's all very suspicious, said Mr Chough," as he went through the voting records. "According to the poll, 16 readers prefer cats while 4 prefer dogs."  Asked to elaborate he said, through gritted teeth.  "But we only have 9 readers in total, if that."

Our reporter asked him whether multiple voting could be to blame.  "I don't think so," he said sadly. "I've tried it myself, and you can't do it."

"If this carries on," he said sadly, "then we'll have to stop the public voting, and rig the polls ourselves. Who's the winner then?"

Chip Pan Fires League Table

As part of National Chip Pan Fire Week, Choughworld has carried out an in-depth report into the state of the Nation's chip pan fires.

Using state of the art technology, we have created a map of all Chip Pan Fires reported in the past 2 years, and overlaid them onto a map of the UK.

The results are startling



Yorkshire leads the way.  North, West, South and East Yorkshire together managed to set fire to a staggering 15 chip pans - 39% of the national total.

Compared to our 'always right even when aam wrong' neighbours, Greater Manchester scored a pathetic 4 fires.

Even adding in Lancashire, we didn't even scrape half of Yorkshire's score.

Here's those Scores in Full

County	Number of Fires
West Yorkshire	8
South Yorkshire	5
Greater Manchester	4
Staffordshire	4
Cambridgeshire	3
Lancashire	3
Cheshire	2
Hampshire	2
North Yorkshire	2
Nottinghamshire	2
Derbyshire	1
Devon	1
Hertfordshire	1
Kent	1
Merseyside	1
Northamptonshire	1
Surrey	1
Warwickshire	1
West Lothian	1
Total	44

We asked Labour Party leader Ed Milliband for a comment.  "This just goes to show how much work needs to be done, to make this country One Nation again," he opined.

Out of touch Tory Leader 'Dave' Cameron added, "This just goes to show the importance of maintaining the Union, and preventing those Scotch from running off with all our oil.  Only one fire in Scotland - are you sure those figures are right."

Yes Mr Cameron, they are right.  Twitter never lies, unlike some people...

What do YOU make of our National Chip Pan Roundup?

Our Chip Pan Fire Campaign Pays Off

Chips - Not on fire for once.

Fire Chiefs around Greater Manchester were full of praise for Choughworld's anti Chip Pan Fire campaign.

"This is just what we need to remind those morons not to get drunk and burn their houses down," said retired Fire Chief Aiden McGarry.

ROSPA (North West) has noticed a remarkable fall off in Chip Pan Fires in the North West since Choughworld began its campaign to mark National Chip Week.

Since Monday, there have been no Chip Pan Fires in Greater Manchester, whereas nationally, there have been no less than four.  If you extrapolate that annually then there will be no fires in Greater Manchester, but an astounding 486.66 nationally.

Now that's something to celebrate - with chips!

High Street in Doldrums, as Pancake Sales Recovery Falters

Pancakes - another victim of the slowdown?

Retailers were left reeling today, after a sharp fall off in the sales of Pancakes.

"I can't believe it," said one. "Yesterday they were flying off the shelves, but today even heavily discounted, we can't shift them."

Another disconsolate grocer said "I blame foreign imports - people are increasingly eating crepes."

Retail analysts have pointed the finger at the Pope's shock resignation.  "Up until yesterday, sales of pancakes, and their ingredients (egg, flour, milk, a pinch of salt) were brisk.  I think it took a while for the shock of the Pope's resignation to sink in.  Now it's as if people are in mourning, and can't bear the thought of eating another meal consisting entirely of pancakes."

According to wikipedia "They may be eaten as a sweet dessert with the traditional topping of lemon juice and sugar, drizzled with golden syrup, or wrapped around savory stuffings and eaten as a main course"

A government spokesman had nothing to say on the subject.  We'll remember that come 2015.

UKIP however were happy to comment, blaming a potential flood of Romanian migrants, coming over here to milk our benefits system, stealing our eggs, jobs and womenfolk.   When asked what this had to do with pancakes he went all red faced and angry.

National Chip Week Marred by Chip Pan Fire in Oldham

Two fire engines were called on Sunday to a chip pan blaze in Oldham at the start of National Chip week.

Fire crews administered oxygen to a 95 year old lady.

@manchesterfire: Two elderly people caught in chip pan fire in Oldham http://t.co/3zQdpggX

By the time the fire crews had arrived, a 77 year old man had carried the burning pan outside, and it had gone out.   Here at Choughworld we don't recommend doing that.


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National Chip Pan Fire Week starts next week, and Fire Brigades (Services to the under 40s) will be demonstrating the devastating effect over the country.  There's one  in Preston today,  where surprisingly not everyone has already got first hand experience.

Trafford Council Supports Choughworld Campaign on Dog Fouling

As the Choughworld bandwagon rolls on, Trafford Council has lent its inconsiderable weight on the hot topic of dog fouling.

In a recent Twitter feed, the council delighted regular readers with this tweet, which has already been re-Tweeted 5 times.

"Frustrated by dog fouling in your local area? You can report anonymously by calling 0161 912 5569."

You can also report it online at Trafford's own website.

Said a frustrated resident "It's good to see the council supporting Choughworld's stance on dog fouling. Perhaps they could kill two birds with one stone, and fill all the potholes up with dried poo pellets?"

By Popular Demand: Man Dumps 10kg of Dog Mess in Job Centre

An unemployed man from Stoke was convicted on Thursday of dumping 10kg of dog mess in order to resolve a dispute he had with the Job Centre officials over his claim last December.

While not strictly speaking news, or local, this story might appeal to regular readers.

Sorry, it's a link to the Daily Moan

Unanswered questions remain, particularly where did he find 10kg of dogs mess.

It's worth knowing where Choke on Stench is, so you can avoid if

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